Thursday, November 6

when you get there

The thing about IVF is that I think most people don't ever think they'll get to that point. At least I know for us, we never thought we'd get to that point. We are healthy. We are "normal." To this day, they've found nothing wrong. When we finally got up the nerve to go see a doctor, we didn't think we'd get there. When we graduated to a specialist, we didn't think we'd get there.

And yet, we did.

Along the way we've been given countless suggestions as to how to 'fix' our problem. Do this. Eat that. Get adjusted. Use these oils. Take this vitamin. And while we know these suggestions came from a place of love and concern, we also weren't getting anywhere, and that meant we eventually had to let go of anything happening on its own.

The decision to proceed with IVF is not one we made lightly. And if you'd told us beforehand just how draining it would be, we may have tried to postpone it just a little longer. Eaten one more avocado. Tried a different brand of vitamin. Because we didn't know that by the end of it, I would have given myself 100+ shots, gone to 50+ doctor appointments and taken who knows how many pills. We didn't know that half of those shots would leave bruises and bumps and make it hard for me to sit, or walk some days. We didn't know that one injection pen could cost over $400. We didn't know the emotional and mental toll it would take on either one of us.

We also didn't know how blessed we'd feel, or how much we'd see the hand of God in our lives. Our testimonies of the Lord's timing have grown so much that we'd be wise to never question Him again. We learned a lot about ourselves, each other, and our marriage. We've grown closer in a way we're not sure we could have ever achieved otherwise. For all these reasons and a few more, we have no regrets about anything. We got there. It happened. We can't say there's anything we would change about any part of this process. We feel extremely grateful to be where we are, and we're especially grateful for everything we've learned along the way.

Fertility issues are a very real, very terrifying thing. If you know someone going through it, I echo this article when he says, Hug them if you can. Cry with them if you can. And I'll add, pray for them every chance you get. Be patient if you catch them on an off day, and know that there will be plenty of those. Let them completely over-share when they want to, but also let them be vague if they need to be. It took me a very long time (as in, over two and a half years) to feel comfortable talking about it. And even then, there were days I just needed to talk about something else. Days where for just a little while, I so desperately needed my conversations to be about something different. Above everything, love them. They need it.

If you are someone going through it, our hearts go out to you. Keep your head up. Be patient with yourself, with your spouse and with the journey. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how dim it may seem right now. You have all our love and prayers.


c + j

Monday, October 13

he said

what makes you think its okay to play country music when i'm in the car with you?

watching biggest loser:
j- you look skinny
c- ugh i don't feel skinny
j- oh i was talking to the guy on the show...

i ate so many sugar cookies. i feel sick. seriously i'm like a little kid. why did i do that?

i married you so i could have a maid. you've disappointed me so many times.

"we're thankful for the opportunity to go to sleep."

you look really pretty right now. i don't know why.

**i 100% copied brissa with this.

Tuesday, October 7

life update(s)

it was our 4 year anniversary.... a month ago. i seem to be getting worse at this.

the thing about being an adult is that sometimes you don't get to celebrate how you'd like. maybe because getting time off of work isn't an option, or because your husband plans a golfing outing on said anniversary because he forgot (he told me i wasn't allowed to share that. oops! he canceled it, don't worry). so we went out to eat and saw a movie neither of us liked and called it good. and that sounds like nothing special, but at the time, life felt crazy and time together felt rare, and phones/work always seemed to get in the way. so a few hours to ourselves, unplugged, was just what we needed.


jeremy is officially certified in his position at work and we're officially staying in arizona. and while the thought of moving and having new adventures seems exciting, there's a peace that comes with staying. i was driving the other day, as the sky was caught between light and dark, and the whole thing was pink and purple. and though that happens often here, it was so beautiful. and there was something about it that made me feel like this is home, and this is where we need to be right now.

there were talks for a while about still selling the house and moving closer in, but we both decided we like where we are. and when you're on your 3rd house/ward (4th if you count the 6 weeks we lived with jer's parents), that's a really good feeling. to enjoy where you are. to know you'd miss it if you left. its the first time in our married lives we've felt like that, and it's sort of wonderful.


football season is back in full swing and we're loving every second. life is always busier in the fall, but i think i like it that way. and it almost feels good outside. that is if you can survive the mosquitoes that are out for blood (pun intended) this year. but the point is that i walked to get the mail yesterday and didn't drip an ounce of sweat. and even in october, that's an arizona win.


that's all i've got. i'll try to make my life more exciting.

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